Real life

Never shop on an empty stomach or pussy

Somethingone got me hot and bothered today. I spent most of the afternoon and early evening positively itching for the touch of anything: hand, belt, tongue, it mattered not. Just something to take the edge off. I could have jacked off, but that’s a story for another day. Suffice it to say, I was withholding pleasure from myself.

Then life got in the way and I realized I was out of bread (not in the mood to make it), walnuts, and a few other silly things. Flash forward and I’m in Kroger and then Target. When you want a good thrashing, everything seems like a viable option. There were belts at target and flyswatters at Kroger. Oh, and rulers… of course, clear ones at that.

But the thing that made me stop dead in my tracks was this lovely trio at Target.

I figured I’d better get the helloutta there before I seriously contemplated pressing the button on the red courtesy phone to request that they send a stockboy to service me in the housewares department.

Cue the porn music.

G’nite.

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