Real life

Never take a wooden baseball bat to a chainsaw fight

Take a little moonlight and add to it one chainsaw… Who in their right mind decides that 2:35 am (as in 0235) is a good time to break out their chainsaw? We live in the city,  man, not that nocturnal tree-trimming would make much more sense in the country! Hm… I hope it was wood you were cutting up… omg… I’ll watch the news carefully for the next few days.

Operating under the assumption you were not cutting up a fellow human being…

How many beers do you need to consume before this seems like a good idea? And, don’t you have any people? You should have at least one person who either cares about your safety… or about the neighbors’ peaceful slumber enough to step up and say “Back away from the chainsaw, bro”

In a clearly sleep-deprived moment of insanity, I thought about throwing on some clothes and walking towards your ruckus to ask you to knock it off. Ah, but since I’d be armed with just a baseball bat (ahem… a wooden one) it didn’t seem like a fair fight… and I just laid there, staring at my ceiling fan and thinking evil things about you… and began tapping out this message to you on my phone…

I suppose I could just consider this an exercise in thinning the herd a bit. When your crazy sawing stopped, I must confess, I didn’t even pause to wonder if you were still with us or had experienced a wee accident.

Seriously, dude (notice I’m assuming you are a man) what were you thinking?

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