The one who’s strong enough to help them

Recently, i took a fall and i hurt myself in a major way.

Surgery went well, and i’m healing, albeit slowly.

This time in recovery has been a humbling experience as i learn what it feels like to be unable to do the simplest things for myself.

It’s difficult for me to ask for help, to admit that i am helpless, to feel as if i’m at the mercy of others… and more importantly… to trust that others will care for me.

So here i am, in a position of powerlessness and my mother and my daughter are taking care of most of the daily tasks of the house as well as helping me dress, and achieve mobility in the house and outside of it.

Today, i’m sitting in a room with both of these women and while i type, they are watching a historically-based Korean drama ripe with themes of duty and honor and family. i am reflecting on the unexpected bonus from my injury. i am happy and proud of my daughter’s growth from it.

she’s been such a gift… any time i get up, she insists that i summon her via cell (if she’s not close) and she follows me to the bathroom, waits outside, hands me things, makes sure i  don’t fall. She’s a damn-near compulsive caregiver.

So much of her life has been spent on the receiving end of medical care and i’ve never held her to a very high standard of contribution around the house due to her health problems. i think i did her a disservice in that way. i didn’t challenge her enough.

She has astonished me. If i had to break myself for her to get to this place… it’s worth it, i think. my helplessness has been an empowering opportunity for her.

It’s nice, that’s all… to see her personal growth.

Belle & Sebastian’s Mary Jo