Music / Real life

Road to Nowhere

funny-signs-bat-18536715Here’s how to “waste” an hour:

1. Forget to renew your AAA membership

2. Convince yourself that “E” does not mean empty, but rather hey, when you think of it, how’s about you get some gas?

3. Leave the house to run your spawn to work and leave your photo ID, your credit card, etc and take only the essentials: the purse on the seat next to you should contain only the most important items: your phone, your gum, your slave journal, and the box containing your Master’s collar… oh and condoms and lube and a subway gift card you got free with the purchase of toner at OfficeMax last week.

4. Run out of gas at an intersection

5. Realize that most humans have apparently forgotten what flashing hazard lights are

6. Pop your car hood to make your situation more obvious… and so… y’know… they’ll stop HONKING at you

7. Begin calling people. Start with those who are geographically close to your location, retired, and friendly. Work your way down the list until you remember that your mother lives just 1.5 miles away

8. Call mother… she’s sober… cool… she’s on the way

9. Greet mother – look at what she’s carrying – face palm

10. Pretend that it is totally normal for people to put gasoline into the empty gallon jug that once contained their Golytely (pre-colonoscopy drink)

And there you have it… a fun-filled hour… a cautionary tale to fill your gas tank AND to eat plenty of fiber… on your road to nowhere

Advertisements

One thought on “Road to Nowhere

  1. “E” means you have a gallon of gas left, according to the manual, plenty to stop at Macy’s and then get home so hubby can take it down and fill the tank. Don’t worry your pretty little head about whether he will have enough left to get to the gas station. Husbands have ways of taking care of these problems. Besides, it’s the price they pay for acting like they – and ONLY they – know everything when it comes to cars.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s