Music / Real life

what if?

shadows

i’ve been doing some soul-searching about a few important things…

Not things…to be honest… but people. 

i need to make decisions about some of the relationships in my life. i’m trying not to rush these decisions but i also know that i can get mired in the THOUGHT process (paralysis by analysis, anyone?) if i sit too long in thought. For me the trick is striking a balance between the thinking and the feeling.

Easier said than done, that’s for certain.

i’ve been playing the “what-if” game in my mind… trying to realize that most of my fears are merely other things in disguise. Still, they are present and must be faced… acknowledged is perhaps a better word.

i used to think of fear as something to be avoided (truth be told, i’d be cool if that was possible) or fought. Like a battle… face the fear and CONQUER it. Now, i’m beginning to realize that there will always be fear. If not this fear, than another. The avoiding it, the disguising it, the capitulating to it? That’s the issue for me.

So rather than a battle or even a skirmish, it feels like more of a process. For some reason, this reminds me of a film i’ve not seen in nearly 30 years: Chariots of Fire. The theme song conjures up the scene along the beach with the runners in white – in slow motion. i don’t know why this resonates with me today but it does.

This is not a sprint. The path is long, but it is also scenic… and i’m just focused on staying on it.

Vangelis (live at Mythodea Concert) with Chariots of Fire Theme

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