Music / Real life

Cleaning out my closet

i recently had the opportunity to participate in a clothing swap&sale. i took 6 laundry baskets full of clothes. It was fun, cleaning out the “closet” (i don’t actually keep my clothes in a closet but that’s a story for another day). my spawn and i went through things… remembered outfits, why we bought them, if/where we wore them. We tried to take a serious look at our clothes and chose to keep the things we liked, that fit, etc.

Image originally found at:

We marveled at how much STUFF we had that we were not using/wearing. Some things had NEVER been worn.

i don’t spend a lot of money on clothes. i hit thrift shops, i buy on sale, but still… the sheer VOLUME of items i had in LIMBO amazed me.

And that closet-purging is a great metaphor for my life-purge in progress.

The majority of my clothing items were ones that belonged in the past or in the future. i kept clothes because they once fit, or they had nominal sentimental value. i bought clothes on spec… one day this will fit, one day i might go here or there and i’ll need this or that. Worse yet, i had some clothing that i didn’t even LIKE but that i purchased because i thought someone else would like it or someone else made me feel like i should own it.

i am trying to live more fully in the moment.

my closet is beginning to reflect that. i still have some clothes that are “goal” clothes or foundational pieces of a dream wardrobe but those now fill only one tub. Liberating, that. Like my life goals, these items of clothing represent goals that are more immediate, less unrealistic, and designed to inspire me rather than make me feel inadequate.

As i move forward, i’m leaving behind… bit by bit… the things that don’t fit and the things that don’t make me happy. i’m trying to realize that i need – in my life – the things that work for me now.  Clothes, activities…. yes… people, even. i’m learning to let go of the things that don’t.

Not so easy.

It is remarkably hard to let go of the painful shit… and the strength of my grasp on the things that hurt me most? That still surprises me.

Cleaning out my closet by Eminem

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3 thoughts on “Cleaning out my closet

  1. Since I lost 60-70 lbs heroically, through sheer force of will and superhuman effort – but I do not wish to say more in keeping with my humble attitude – I soon discovered that I couldn’t get into any of my clothes exceptional formed an old army tent bought for a camping trip in the previous century. So, I went to the local thrift shop and bought a new wardrobe who h had obviously been owned by a rich man recently deceased, proving once again that timing is everything.

    But, Thanksgiving came, and with that, the legitimate consumption of oodles of whipped cream on huge slices of pumpkin pie, etc, etc, snacking constantly for a week
    as not to waste food that hungry children in China didn’t have. And then there was New Years….well, you get the picture.

    Long story short, I ended up with two wardrobes and figured I had the base covered only to discover neither size realm fits. I figured that as volatile as my weight reading is, all I needed to do is wait, but now my weight doesn’t change. The only thing left is to revert to the wardrobe choices of my (rather prophetic) boyhood and dress au naturel, which I would love but which would probably get me room & board where they don’t serve pumpkin pie. Why does life bave to be so complicated?

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