Music / Real life

with no pretense

i’m in therapy.

i don’t intend to share all of that here, of course, but i feel it is important to push-pull-drag this out of shadows… to take the secrecy and shame from what ought to be no different than the choice to take a car in for service.

concrete cowIt is – as i recently said to someone – my own personal lube, oil, and filter.

i’m getting a tune-up.

i can’t possibly explain this cow (except to say that it greeted me in the courtyard outside my therapist’s office on that first day) but it made me smile.

i like the therapist. He has an open face and a comfort in his own skin that men don’t usually have until they are far older. He came highly recommended and i think we’ll work well together.

The last time i was in therapy, i arrived with a carefully-crafted list (two columns) detailing the issues i wished to address and the possible sources of those issues. It was expedient but i decided this time to go in with one basic goal (dealing with the dad decision) and to let it happen however it did.

Liberation. That’s the word he seized on for “next time we talk” and that made me tilt my head to the side. Odd – to me – that of all i said, that was what he zoomed in on. He may be smarter than the average bear.

He has three couches in his office… gigglesnort… OVERachiever!

So much of this journey – in and out of the therapist’s office – is about me being authentic and taking responsibility (AND JOY) in my own life. i’m learning that i can feel and share and love… and that it isn’t always perfect and without pain… but it is real. i need real.  And so it goes…

Billy Joel’s “And So it Goes”

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