Music / Real life

i’d go black and blue

buttoni saw it in her eyes then… the thing i couldn’t parse in the hours before… the thing i couldn’t quite grasp in the overnight we had just shared… the unfamiliar feeling that wound around the disconnects we experienced in the day preceding.

i saw it in her eyes then as we said goodbye.

i recognized fear.

Unaccustomed to seeing that in her eyes, i am.

There was no flash of warrior – no hint of wolf – no clever and powerful fae.

i saw no certainty … i saw only fear.

i wanted to brush her hair back over her eyes then because i didn’t like to see it – didn’t want to see her looking at me with fear in her eyes.

Please drive, i told my friend moments later… please drive before i lose it.

And this i thought of as my rough towel dried the wound on my right shoulder a few moments ago.

i thought of it as i imagined her blood coursing through me and mine through hers… i thought… i’d rather see pain in her eyes than fear. i would prefer to look at her eyes hardening… darkening… with that raw primal growling clawing pushing pulling pain… i would rather bleed and see her bleed… than see my sweet bitch look at me with fear.

i… the doubter… the skeptic… i wish i could summon every real or imagined power that i know and unleash a fury on them… all of them… the ones that hurt her… the ones that tore at her soul and etched fear in those beautiful eyes. i want them to feel what she felt… what she feels.

Where i saw only love… i saw fear… and all i wish… is that i could brush it from her eyes as easily as i do her hair.

i wish she could feel only my love.

 

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