Music / Real life

i am more than my fucking FICO score

i’ve been largely absent from the blogosphere and even from fet.

Been busy… working… trying… even struggling.

i realize this is a first-world problem i’m having because i am NOT homeless and i am NOT hungry. The fact remains, i’m dancing on the edge of some f’d up financial shit and i didn’t create that shit-storm by myself. i made poor choices and helped some people out when i should have saved. i broke some bones and had surgery and decided to pursue medical remedies that left me in debt. i could have been more careful. i am here. This is where i am … now.

i am well educated. i am white. i realize that this makes me privileged. i have options that not all of my brothers and sisters possess. i am not going to pretend i’m in the direst of straits. i have been in those places though.

So why talk about this now? Well… in the last hour, something happened and i realized i was feeling shame.

SHAME

i was ashamed about this financial situation and shame feeds on SECRECY … it grows exponentially in the dark.

Do i want to talk about this with everyone? NOPE.

Is it everyone’s business? NOPE

Can anyone else fix this for me? NOPE.

But i can do this much… i can “out” myself… so i can let loose of the shame of it. i was poor as a child…  f’d up poor… no running water or electricity poor… eating stuff you ought not eat poor… and i’m outing myself there too.

i am more than my bank account

i was a poor child – but a child of the universe worthy of love and i still am.

So… that.

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