Music / Real life

make it quick now

evap o ratedi am weary of carrying old shit around… mine… other people’s.

It seems like it should be easier to set burdens down… how hard? Just drop ’em. But no…

The sheer weight of it all is exhausting sometimes and i get seriously pissed off when i am blindsided by it.

This weekend, i listened to someone talk about families and she mentioned the phrase, “evaporated child” and it hit me then how often i “go away” for periods of time.

i check out.

Do i float up somewhere? Do i sink down to someplace deep inside? Hell if i know… i don’t know where or how i go but i go. i disassociate mildly (is it mild? i can’t say). i spoke to C about it this weekend a little and then poked around in the old interwebs about it. i’m not clinical or anything (in case anyone is concerned) but i am having difficulty wanting to be here sometimes. And no, i’m not suicidal either… i just want to go away for fuck’s sake.

K would call this “the feels”

Groan.

i’ve spent the last few years opening up and getting in touch with all these goddamn feelings and now they are all here and i would just like to pack them all neatly away now… open up that pandora’s box at a later date… just scoop them all up and encase them tightly… like an emotional time capsule bomb.

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