I heard someone say something simple… and sexy… and empowering recently. It had to do with his penis.
More on that in a bit…
This morning, I stumbled across a discussion on Fet related to consent violation… specifically a man confessing to what sure sounded like rape, but then backpedaling into a sad sort of victim-blaming. I read the flurry of responses to that post.
I read them all. My stomach got all manner of twisted up in it.
I’ve been there. I’ve felt that. The encounter is bad enough but the resulting doubts and self-recriminations, the loathing of the attacker and of the self, the memories… how quickly they can be triggered.
There was a great deal in the thread about the absence of a “yes” and also responses about how there wasn’t a “no” that was clear… and so…
And so… what?
One of the coolest things about our “community” is the notion of consent. I have often heard (and repeated):
An absence of a “no” is not a “yes”
There are many forms of the statement but it is so very simple… Don’t just wait for someone to stop you when you are going too far. Ask them what they want, what they need, what they desire. Ask… and then listen if they need to tap out.
Now, back to the dick… and its owner:
Having had some less-than-consensual experiences with cocks in my past, and having spent a bit of time away from that aforementioned body part, I had negotiated an experience. Boundaries were clear. Consent had been given… specifically… for penetration.
And still… in the middle of everything… when we were both revved up, he clarified that my consent was ongoing.
He simply said:
“Tell me when you’re ready for me to fuck you”
That’s damn-near the most empowering statement I’ve ever heard in bed. That, my friends, is sexy as fuck.