It is perhaps the pain that takes me there tonight. It’s 1990 or is it 1991? I’m a young wife and new mother. My husband is deployed in Desert Storm… I am his wife. With him gone, I am alone with the spawn. I am his wife. His. Then. I am her mother. Always. There’s a … Continue reading
Yes, load… not lode. She is a hardened soul… forged from abject poverty, horrific childhood abuse, an utterly destructive first marriage and a pathetic attempt at a second one. Her one child is a disappointment to her while the other (me) reminds her unintentionally of all the missteps she made as a mother. The rest … Continue reading
my mother is at my house for the third day in a row. With the spawn moving out, i think she is enjoying being here with us… all three of us… together in a way that will not happen so much after the move. Over coffee this morning, we were discussing car issues and an … Continue reading
i am in a fairly odd mood. i am freakishly busy with life and work and attempting to get the spawn settled after our plans went south (with the kia’s car-fail). Still, i’m not depressed or frantic. i almost feel as if i should be more worried about things. So much of it is absolutely … Continue reading
So i sorta just fell out the closet with mom. She now knows that her girl ain’t no heterosexual. i don’t know how i thought it would go, when it happened… truth be told, i thought she would die not knowing. Here’s what i didn’t want to have happen… i didn’t want to open the … Continue reading
i assume the Buddha masturbated…i assume that the Christ also masturbated…as did his mother. They were humans, after all… if they existed at all… they were humans with all the human desires. Someone’s likely to get their panties in a bunch over this, but only (in my opinion) because they equate masturbation with sin or … Continue reading
i passed a very nice Christmas. It was the first Christmas in recent memory that had no tether to my father (he called but i didn’t pick up or check voicemail). i replied to a text from my brother. i didn’t call my aunt. i made a purposeful decision to speak to… to touch… the … Continue reading
Recently, i took a fall and i hurt myself in a major way. Surgery went well, and i’m healing, albeit slowly. This time in recovery has been a humbling experience as i learn what it feels like to be unable to do the simplest things for myself. It’s difficult for me to ask for help, … Continue reading
A few years ago, i snapped this image of my brother and father on a visit with them. i kept it all these years because of the odd ghost effect… it was as if my brother was passing through – they weren’t touching. i feel comfortable posting it here because they are not recognizable in … Continue reading
She asked me, “Does it ever go away?” and i wanted to tell her it did… but couldn’t lie to her. “No,” i told her… “it doesn’t ever go away…” and she continued crying – her pale skin blotching with emotion… her shaking hands taking kleenex after kleenex from mine . i told her that … Continue reading
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